"Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising...keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty." ~unknown
How many of us got married young with the idea that marriage was easy and like the relationships you watched on t.v.? How many of us thought that everything would be perfect after you were married. In reality we were playing house, until things got hard. We were in love with the idea of marriage but not with the work it takes to make it work.
I can honestly say that I was unprepared for my first marriage. I look back now and realize that I wanted to be married because I didn't want to be alone. I liked the thought of having someone to come home to, someone to share things with, someone to play house with. Reality set in fairly quickly. Like when I realized he really wasn't going to pull his weight around the house, when his Father's reaction to our having a baby was "I can't believe you knocked her up, she's never going to let me see my grandchild...", granted he'd never met me before. Being young, newly married and pregnant was probably the real beginning of the end for us.
We struggled, we fought (verbally only), we went through phases of complete disdain for one another. We also had some fun, had three children total, moved twice and learned that we were not going to make it as a couple. There are several really important reasons that it didn't work out, but I'm not going to go into those right now. Plus, he can't defend himself so it wouldn't be fair.
With my second marriage I knew what I wanted. I wanted a partner. Someone who would share everything with me, household chores, raising children, financial issues, the good stuff and the bad. I knew this time how much work is really involved in a marriage. How much give and take. We talk things out, even when we don't want to speak to one another. We make decisions together. We laugh, we love, we cry and we comfort. We are patient with one another. We are there for one another. We show a united front for our children, even if we don't agree with the other's decision. We are a true couple.
We aren't perfect. We argue, we get upset with one another, we take time out from one another if needed. We work things out though. We talk, we share, we know what kind of work a marriage takes. We also, place our faith in the Lord that He will sustain our marriage. He will guide us forward and show us how to make this marriage work. I love my husband no matter what. I love him despite our differences or maybe I should say because of our differences. I love that everyday we learn something new from one another. Most importantly I love that he is always there for me. He is my rock in rough seas!
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." II Timothy 1:7 ESV
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