Seems like my "in spite of" post from yesterday has caused quite a commotion in one particular Facebook group. My intention wasn't to create a stir, simply to put my feelings and views out there. As parents of children with T1 we each have to create our own game plane...obviously my game plan is quite different than some other parents and that's okay.
Maybe I should take some time to clarify my side though, so others won't make the assumption that I use the "suck it up buttercup" method of parenting with my kids. My boys with T1 do not have any other medical or educational issues. They are perfectly healthy boys, who happen to have T1. They have never struggled in school, in sports, or in any other activity they have wanted to participate in. Do they on occasion have to take a break from something or miss a day of school because of D...you bet they do, however, I refuse to let them use that as a reason to give up.
If they go low during a game, I pull them to the sideline, give them a snack, retest in 15 and send them back out. If they miss school because of D related issues or any other medical issue, I require them to complete the make up work before returning to school. I don't think these are unrealistic expectations. Once they get older and are on their own they are going to have to deal with going to work feeling lousy sometimes, it's a fact that we can't ignore or hide.
I asked my boys last night after the negative responses started rolling in how they felt. Both said that they appreciated that I never let them use D as an excuse, that I didn't focus everything around D and that they are embarrassed when other people make a big deal out of something they have done simply because they have D. We talk about how they feel about D all the time and we talk about how it will affect their lives forever, but we also talk about all the things they want to do in life...things they would want to do with or without D.
My oldest T1 is a JDRF ambassador, he was recognized by a Diabetes Organization because he lives his life with D. This I don't mind. However, if were selected for the baseball team just because he was a T1 that would frustrate both of us to no end. Being recognized in front of an entire Little League Organization because of his T1 was embarrassing for him and to me unnecessary. Who plays ball because he loves and wants to recognized for his hard work.
Our normal is to live with diabetes and lead as normal of lives as possible. I've learned though, particularly with my oldest, that if he runs into someone who treats him differently because of his T1 he will take full advantage of this. He will get out of class, he will say he isn't feeling well to try and not have to do things...he uses it as a reason to get out of things. I won't tolerate that. D is not a reason.
As a parent it is my job to teach them how to live with this disease. How to function in society. How to follow their dreams regardless of D. As a parent I am responsible for teaching them to take care of themselves, to comfort them when they are upset and sometimes to say "suck it up buttercup" we have to do whatever it is anyway.
There are days that I don't feel like going to work because of my PTSD and Depression, but I have to. There are days I don't feel like cooking, cleaning house or even handling D for one more second because of my disorders...but that isn't an option. I can't not do the things I am responsible for because of a disorder. They can't not do the things they are responsible for because of a disease.
For those of you struggling with T1 and other medical issues, I applaud you for all that you do each day. For those of you who feel like I am rude or are offended by my thoughts, I am sorry. For those of you, like me, who think that T1 is not an "in spite of" disease...I thank you!
Maybe I should take some time to clarify my side though, so others won't make the assumption that I use the "suck it up buttercup" method of parenting with my kids. My boys with T1 do not have any other medical or educational issues. They are perfectly healthy boys, who happen to have T1. They have never struggled in school, in sports, or in any other activity they have wanted to participate in. Do they on occasion have to take a break from something or miss a day of school because of D...you bet they do, however, I refuse to let them use that as a reason to give up.
If they go low during a game, I pull them to the sideline, give them a snack, retest in 15 and send them back out. If they miss school because of D related issues or any other medical issue, I require them to complete the make up work before returning to school. I don't think these are unrealistic expectations. Once they get older and are on their own they are going to have to deal with going to work feeling lousy sometimes, it's a fact that we can't ignore or hide.
I asked my boys last night after the negative responses started rolling in how they felt. Both said that they appreciated that I never let them use D as an excuse, that I didn't focus everything around D and that they are embarrassed when other people make a big deal out of something they have done simply because they have D. We talk about how they feel about D all the time and we talk about how it will affect their lives forever, but we also talk about all the things they want to do in life...things they would want to do with or without D.
My oldest T1 is a JDRF ambassador, he was recognized by a Diabetes Organization because he lives his life with D. This I don't mind. However, if were selected for the baseball team just because he was a T1 that would frustrate both of us to no end. Being recognized in front of an entire Little League Organization because of his T1 was embarrassing for him and to me unnecessary. Who plays ball because he loves and wants to recognized for his hard work.
Our normal is to live with diabetes and lead as normal of lives as possible. I've learned though, particularly with my oldest, that if he runs into someone who treats him differently because of his T1 he will take full advantage of this. He will get out of class, he will say he isn't feeling well to try and not have to do things...he uses it as a reason to get out of things. I won't tolerate that. D is not a reason.
As a parent it is my job to teach them how to live with this disease. How to function in society. How to follow their dreams regardless of D. As a parent I am responsible for teaching them to take care of themselves, to comfort them when they are upset and sometimes to say "suck it up buttercup" we have to do whatever it is anyway.
There are days that I don't feel like going to work because of my PTSD and Depression, but I have to. There are days I don't feel like cooking, cleaning house or even handling D for one more second because of my disorders...but that isn't an option. I can't not do the things I am responsible for because of a disorder. They can't not do the things they are responsible for because of a disease.
For those of you struggling with T1 and other medical issues, I applaud you for all that you do each day. For those of you who feel like I am rude or are offended by my thoughts, I am sorry. For those of you, like me, who think that T1 is not an "in spite of" disease...I thank you!
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