Today I had an interview for a job that I truly want. A job that I am so excited about and know that I will probably be really upset if I do not get. Before the interview, even the night before, I was extremely anxious. Today was even worse. As I sat there with the three individuals conducting the interview though I was relaxed, excited, and praying that they would see something in me that would make them want to hire me for the position.
I felt good when I left, and then the depression and anxiety reared it's ugly head. Now I'm second guessing every answer I provided, the outfit I wore, the tone of the interview itself. I'm starting to get that I'm not good enough feeling, not because I'm not good enough, but because my stupid mental health illness causes me to feel this way. Heck, as I sit here typing this I feel like breaking down into tears.
I hate this. In my head I know I did a good job during the interview. I was honest with my answers. I even went so far as to let them know when asked a question I did not know the answer too. I was dressed in exactly the manner I researched and talked to my best friend about for an interview. I was as prepared as I could be.
So to my depression and anxiety, please take a flying leap. Stop messing with my head and let me feel as confident tonight as I did this morning after the interview. Let me feel like I am good enough. Let me feel like I do deserve this. Tomorrow or the next day if they call and say I'm not what they were looking for then you can come back and I will wallow in the depths of it then. But today, for a few hours, let me feel like I am worth it!
I felt good when I left, and then the depression and anxiety reared it's ugly head. Now I'm second guessing every answer I provided, the outfit I wore, the tone of the interview itself. I'm starting to get that I'm not good enough feeling, not because I'm not good enough, but because my stupid mental health illness causes me to feel this way. Heck, as I sit here typing this I feel like breaking down into tears.
I hate this. In my head I know I did a good job during the interview. I was honest with my answers. I even went so far as to let them know when asked a question I did not know the answer too. I was dressed in exactly the manner I researched and talked to my best friend about for an interview. I was as prepared as I could be.
So to my depression and anxiety, please take a flying leap. Stop messing with my head and let me feel as confident tonight as I did this morning after the interview. Let me feel like I am good enough. Let me feel like I do deserve this. Tomorrow or the next day if they call and say I'm not what they were looking for then you can come back and I will wallow in the depths of it then. But today, for a few hours, let me feel like I am worth it!
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