As I (in)patiently wait for my medical retirement package to return from the big Air Force world I've begun finding my anxiety spilling over into my everyday life...as if it weren't already doing that.
I find myself anxiously examining every particle of what I do and what I need to do. Budgets, medical plans, new jobs searches, school, the kids, the husband, the dog...you name and it's on my list of worries. How can I even begin to truly start making plans with all of this anxiety.
The truth is that I can't. I'm trying to make it minute by minute verses hour by hour. I'm trying to pretend like all is well. I'm trying to just keep it together.
As we all know, just keeping it together is sometimes less productive than letting it fall apart and then picking up the pieces. Anxiety makes me want to pull my hair out...not something I've done...but sometimes it seems like a good idea. I'm exhausted from the anxiety, the fear, the unrelenting thoughts that run through my head about the future and the past. I've found know way to simply focus on today.
To me this picture sums it up. There is so much going on in my head that I find it hard to focus on any one thing. It's a jumble of words, thoughts and images all trying to processed at one time. It's tiring to even think about.
Every day though I wake up with some hope. Hope that today will be the day that I can make the two steps forward and maintain my ground. That I won't lose any momentum in the direction I am headed. The day that my brain slows down and smells the roses.
Hope if a four letter word not used often enough by those of us who suffer from mental health illnesses. We use lots of other words to describe ourselves and how we feel, but we rarely use Hope.
For today and each day that lies ahead I am Hopeful that we can all make progress. That we can all gain ground with those two tiny steps. That we can all appreciate that for today my greatest achievement was waking up!
I find myself anxiously examining every particle of what I do and what I need to do. Budgets, medical plans, new jobs searches, school, the kids, the husband, the dog...you name and it's on my list of worries. How can I even begin to truly start making plans with all of this anxiety.
The truth is that I can't. I'm trying to make it minute by minute verses hour by hour. I'm trying to pretend like all is well. I'm trying to just keep it together.
As we all know, just keeping it together is sometimes less productive than letting it fall apart and then picking up the pieces. Anxiety makes me want to pull my hair out...not something I've done...but sometimes it seems like a good idea. I'm exhausted from the anxiety, the fear, the unrelenting thoughts that run through my head about the future and the past. I've found know way to simply focus on today.
To me this picture sums it up. There is so much going on in my head that I find it hard to focus on any one thing. It's a jumble of words, thoughts and images all trying to processed at one time. It's tiring to even think about.
Every day though I wake up with some hope. Hope that today will be the day that I can make the two steps forward and maintain my ground. That I won't lose any momentum in the direction I am headed. The day that my brain slows down and smells the roses.
Hope if a four letter word not used often enough by those of us who suffer from mental health illnesses. We use lots of other words to describe ourselves and how we feel, but we rarely use Hope.
For today and each day that lies ahead I am Hopeful that we can all make progress. That we can all gain ground with those two tiny steps. That we can all appreciate that for today my greatest achievement was waking up!
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