Today as I made my way to the medical group to complete my outprocessing for retirement, I was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness and denial. This is truly the end of a very large chapter of my life. An end that came much too quickly. An end I had not imagined.
I joined the military in 1999 with the intention of completing my four year enlistment, receiving my educational benefits and moving on with life. The best laid plans are often derailed. I found out that I loved the military and this way of life. I loved the job I did, I loved the people I worked with and I loved the diversity of the military. I was hooked.
During my first year on active duty I met the man who would become my first husband. It was a relationship I thought I needed, one that I often wonder if I began out of loneliness from being away from home for the first time. I'm not saying I didn't love him, I just think we were both very young and lonely.
This man and I went on to have three awesome children together. That part of our relationship I will never regret. He gave me the three best parts of himself. I learned a lot about myself throughout that first year. I learned that if I really wanted to do something and worked hard I could. I learned that people are willing to help you and be there for you no matter what. I learned to love the camaraderie of the military lifestyle.
My next duty station brought both happiness and heartache. My three boys were born in Georgia, all by the same doctor...something almost unheard of in the military realm. I found one of my very dearest friends there. I grew a lot in my career. I was set for success. Before the birth of our third son though things took a turn for the worse in our relationship. It would never be the same again.
We moved to our next duty station and that is where I still am. Here I grew even more as an NCO. I was a hard worker, willing to volunteer for whatever came my way. I loved my troops...well most of the time:). I loved my job. I loved everything about this area. I had my first deployment in 2007. It was the best and worst time of my life...at the time. I was overwhelmed with a sense of duty and patriotism. I loved being deployed. I hated being away from my family. My marriage didn't survive. The brokenness from before and the time apart were too much for us to fix. We tried...it just didn't work out.
I learned to be a single mom. I learned to be an NCO. I learned what my job really meant. In 2012 I was picked up to deploy again. I was remarried to my current husband...the love of my life. Things weren't great when I was selected. We'd lost a pregnancy shortly before. We were struggling. Maybe I was struggling. Anyway, I began preparing for this deployment. I thought it would be a chance to regroup and put myself back together. I was wrong.
The training was fun...I injured my shoulder during it though. I pushed through. I wanted this deployment. I was able to convince my leadership over in the sandbox to allow me to work with one of the providers I was in training with. We'd already bonded so it made sense to me. We worked well together and got along.
We ended up at a remote FOB in Afghanistan. This place was a hot bed of activity. We were attached daily, sometimes more than once. This is the place where my life changed forever. Where all of our lives changed forever. This is the place that brought me to the early end of my career.
As I sit here today I still don't like thinking or talking about the day that changed everything. It makes me sad that one day, a few hours, changed my life. Changed my future. Changed my career path. On Thanksgiving Day of this year I will officially be a retiree, at 34 years old. I will be among the few military members whose careers were brought up short by an injury sustained in combat. I will be among the few who have to learn to live without the military way of life.
I am sad today and suspect that there will be many more sad days to come. There will be happy days too. Days to reminisce, days to think about the happy times, days to look forward to the future. I am excited and hopeful for what is coming, but I am sad for what is being left behind.
I joined the military in 1999 with the intention of completing my four year enlistment, receiving my educational benefits and moving on with life. The best laid plans are often derailed. I found out that I loved the military and this way of life. I loved the job I did, I loved the people I worked with and I loved the diversity of the military. I was hooked.
During my first year on active duty I met the man who would become my first husband. It was a relationship I thought I needed, one that I often wonder if I began out of loneliness from being away from home for the first time. I'm not saying I didn't love him, I just think we were both very young and lonely.
This man and I went on to have three awesome children together. That part of our relationship I will never regret. He gave me the three best parts of himself. I learned a lot about myself throughout that first year. I learned that if I really wanted to do something and worked hard I could. I learned that people are willing to help you and be there for you no matter what. I learned to love the camaraderie of the military lifestyle.
My next duty station brought both happiness and heartache. My three boys were born in Georgia, all by the same doctor...something almost unheard of in the military realm. I found one of my very dearest friends there. I grew a lot in my career. I was set for success. Before the birth of our third son though things took a turn for the worse in our relationship. It would never be the same again.
We moved to our next duty station and that is where I still am. Here I grew even more as an NCO. I was a hard worker, willing to volunteer for whatever came my way. I loved my troops...well most of the time:). I loved my job. I loved everything about this area. I had my first deployment in 2007. It was the best and worst time of my life...at the time. I was overwhelmed with a sense of duty and patriotism. I loved being deployed. I hated being away from my family. My marriage didn't survive. The brokenness from before and the time apart were too much for us to fix. We tried...it just didn't work out.
I learned to be a single mom. I learned to be an NCO. I learned what my job really meant. In 2012 I was picked up to deploy again. I was remarried to my current husband...the love of my life. Things weren't great when I was selected. We'd lost a pregnancy shortly before. We were struggling. Maybe I was struggling. Anyway, I began preparing for this deployment. I thought it would be a chance to regroup and put myself back together. I was wrong.
The training was fun...I injured my shoulder during it though. I pushed through. I wanted this deployment. I was able to convince my leadership over in the sandbox to allow me to work with one of the providers I was in training with. We'd already bonded so it made sense to me. We worked well together and got along.
We ended up at a remote FOB in Afghanistan. This place was a hot bed of activity. We were attached daily, sometimes more than once. This is the place where my life changed forever. Where all of our lives changed forever. This is the place that brought me to the early end of my career.
As I sit here today I still don't like thinking or talking about the day that changed everything. It makes me sad that one day, a few hours, changed my life. Changed my future. Changed my career path. On Thanksgiving Day of this year I will officially be a retiree, at 34 years old. I will be among the few military members whose careers were brought up short by an injury sustained in combat. I will be among the few who have to learn to live without the military way of life.
I am sad today and suspect that there will be many more sad days to come. There will be happy days too. Days to reminisce, days to think about the happy times, days to look forward to the future. I am excited and hopeful for what is coming, but I am sad for what is being left behind.
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